A combination of the funny things my professors have said this semester..

"If anyone has a revelation of Zeus, a unicorn, or Jesus..."

"My two-year-old set off the house alarm...so they're intruders."

"It's just piece of stuff...How is this piece of garbage more true than this piece of garbage?"

"Does God not think?...So, is God some kind of body or some weird thing?"

"Yeah. So. Um."

"Is the saying 'flush out' or 'flesh out'?"

"Let's just blame the Germans."

(while student is talking to the class) "You're putting Joey to sleep."

"What if you take a spaceship and ride really fast and take pictures?"

"Well, what if I see you're sick and I perform surgery on you and kill you! But it was only in good will!"

"But, Leibniz, math doesn't explain angels...it doesn't explain my invisible cat!"

"'I'm in love.' 'Oh, you're not in love! It's just hormones!'"

"What happened to my dog!... Don't cut up your dog......Unless you don't want to keep it."

"I lose my dog and you give me a video game....well you say, 'it has the same algorithm!'"

"What do you do when Kate Upton is dancing naked in front of you, waving like a flag?... You have an ERECTION."

"How beautiful this vomit is! Prehistoric harmony of vomit!"

"How are you sure that the sheep won't turn into an accordion?"

"What is this?" "My dog, Bucktooth."

"Give me a cookie. And I'll go home and eat the cookie!"

"How many plates must we break to get through your thick brain that they will break?"

"Is it some kind of juicy brain part? No, it's a thought."

"So you enclose a space with three lines. Shoop, shoop, shoop. And then, three angles show up! Uninvited! What are these doing here?!..... I don't like it. Do it without the angles. That would be a tight place where I couldn't put a serious couch....I need an enclosed space to put my groceries in there. When I put my tomatoes in there and they fall out, I'm blaming you."

"Not like someone saying, 'I'm gonna love you forever,' some ridiculous words like that!"