spring

We are all cancer cells, asking what our purpose is, occupying random space, building skyscrapers and spilling oil. Accidents. And accidents are random, like picking chicken eggs or miscarriages.

Thinking

I scratched my nails against a wall because there was no more left to peel.

Shut up, woman

Men never tell women to leave the toilet seat up.

I kissed the thought of you.

I had a dream this morning that woke me up at 6 in the morning. I was calling my mom in the shower as the hot water was putting me on the verge of fainting. I screamed her name and she screamed my name back, opened the door, and saw me holding on to the curtain pole with my right hand and dangling dizzily, almost twirling. She ran to me as my eyes were rolling back, turned the water on cold, and as I began to wake up, she told me that she saw my whole life unwind before her-- my childhood, my youth, everything. And I was sorry that she had to see me that way and I cried in her arms, naked. I told her how much I loved her, over and over again, and then I woke up.

And then I sobbed in my hands, in my bed, my eyes stinging and tired. I don't know why I cried. I don't understand how I could feel such emotion and sadness and love for something that is not 'real.' But it made me realize the depths of my emotions for my mother; it was just a fiction story or a poem...a way to metaphorically explain to me my love for her. Uggh, I always get emotional and teary when I think of the love I have for (specifically) my mother and sister. I can never say "I love you" to them without a break in my voice.

I had a lovely dream...
The world was black and white, reaching evening, and I was stretching on my back on a cottony, white flower canvas that was draped over the stone ground. And "Bookends Theme" was playing.

After dismissing my alarm

I tap my fingers and toes to keep myself awake, lest I fall back asleep. I realized my heartbeat does just the same.

Why was I the one to find nails and needles in the carpet,
and poisonous spiders on the walls?
Why was I the one to snitch on the lurking monsters,
throw them away,
lock them in jars,
or tell Baba to kill them?
Why did I have the nightmare
of being a
pot of soil,
falling backwards
and off a
windowsill?

Past, Present, and Future sounds like Father, Son, and Holy Spirit to me.

I will not strip down my god, my life, my self, time
with limits and words and linear markers
that tell us to look where our eyes are capable of looking.
Not adjacent or behind,
but forward.

But there's still hope to that,
because whether you're east, north, south, west,
your "forward" will be cyclical and absolute,
as we'd all stand before each other
on all sides,
someone to my left,
someone to my right.

I jogged for 37 minutes.
You see it as barely reaching 40.
I see it as slightly exceeding 35.

A combination of the funny things my professors have said this semester..

"If anyone has a revelation of Zeus, a unicorn, or Jesus..."

"My two-year-old set off the house alarm...so they're intruders."

"It's just piece of stuff...How is this piece of garbage more true than this piece of garbage?"

"Does God not think?...So, is God some kind of body or some weird thing?"

"Yeah. So. Um."

"Is the saying 'flush out' or 'flesh out'?"

"Let's just blame the Germans."

(while student is talking to the class) "You're putting Joey to sleep."

"What if you take a spaceship and ride really fast and take pictures?"

"Well, what if I see you're sick and I perform surgery on you and kill you! But it was only in good will!"

"But, Leibniz, math doesn't explain angels...it doesn't explain my invisible cat!"

"'I'm in love.' 'Oh, you're not in love! It's just hormones!'"

"What happened to my dog!... Don't cut up your dog......Unless you don't want to keep it."

"I lose my dog and you give me a video game....well you say, 'it has the same algorithm!'"

"What do you do when Kate Upton is dancing naked in front of you, waving like a flag?... You have an ERECTION."

"How beautiful this vomit is! Prehistoric harmony of vomit!"

"How are you sure that the sheep won't turn into an accordion?"

"What is this?" "My dog, Bucktooth."

"Give me a cookie. And I'll go home and eat the cookie!"

"How many plates must we break to get through your thick brain that they will break?"

"Is it some kind of juicy brain part? No, it's a thought."

"So you enclose a space with three lines. Shoop, shoop, shoop. And then, three angles show up! Uninvited! What are these doing here?!..... I don't like it. Do it without the angles. That would be a tight place where I couldn't put a serious couch....I need an enclosed space to put my groceries in there. When I put my tomatoes in there and they fall out, I'm blaming you."

"Not like someone saying, 'I'm gonna love you forever,' some ridiculous words like that!"