spring

We are all cancer cells, asking what our purpose is, occupying random space, building skyscrapers and spilling oil. Accidents. And accidents are random, like picking chicken eggs or miscarriages.

Thinking

I scratched my nails against a wall because there was no more left to peel.

Shut up, woman

Men never tell women to leave the toilet seat up.

I kissed the thought of you.

I had a dream this morning that woke me up at 6 in the morning. I was calling my mom in the shower as the hot water was putting me on the verge of fainting. I screamed her name and she screamed my name back, opened the door, and saw me holding on to the curtain pole with my right hand and dangling dizzily, almost twirling. She ran to me as my eyes were rolling back, turned the water on cold, and as I began to wake up, she told me that she saw my whole life unwind before her-- my childhood, my youth, everything. And I was sorry that she had to see me that way and I cried in her arms, naked. I told her how much I loved her, over and over again, and then I woke up.

And then I sobbed in my hands, in my bed, my eyes stinging and tired. I don't know why I cried. I don't understand how I could feel such emotion and sadness and love for something that is not 'real.' But it made me realize the depths of my emotions for my mother; it was just a fiction story or a poem...a way to metaphorically explain to me my love for her. Uggh, I always get emotional and teary when I think of the love I have for (specifically) my mother and sister. I can never say "I love you" to them without a break in my voice.

I had a lovely dream...
The world was black and white, reaching evening, and I was stretching on my back on a cottony, white flower canvas that was draped over the stone ground. And "Bookends Theme" was playing.